2024 PSO Triangle Pole Championships

“If I can get my ankle to stop shaking, I’ll be okay”, I told Aud, my friend, coach, and human prop, a few minutes before my performance. A shaky ankle is better than shaking hands. It’s also better than overwhelming self-doubt. In less than 10 minutes I would complete another pole competition cycle, hard work paid off. From the beginning, I envisioned an outcome. The reality was deeper than I expected. 

Back at It

Like most people, I am a constant project. Working through contradictions, an aversion to attention and the call to step on stage. Pole combines my enjoyment of creating, sharing moments that bring me joy, and doing beautiful things. I sign up with a song on my heart and combos on my mind. Ideas spring up on a run or during classes. If I can imagine spinning to a certain part of the song, I’m probably locked in and want to develop it further. I’m curious about what it can become and what I can do with it.

The New West

The last freestyle in my March Madness Pole Challenge was the catalyst. Cowboy Carter dropped that day and “Tyrant” wanted to play. That infectious record beckoned me to throw something together. A sly trick. It’s a performance song and it started following me around. The week before I registered for the competition, “Tyrant” came on shuffle during a stretch class. Beyoncé shows up like Grandpa Walker in Holes (2003). I had another song in mind Giselle, “Well that’s too damn bad!”

A costume idea, beyond anything I’d done previously, floated in my mind. What do I know about performing in a coat? And thigh high boots??? I tried to talk myself out of it but another part of me wanted to put these elements together. If I started right away, I would be more than ready by July 27^th. The fearful and daring sides of me were at odds, the daring won that battle.

Brick by Brick 

Candice Brathwaite posted a video asking “Are you gonna ‘gonna’ yourself to death?” Now, why are you yelling at me Mrs. Brathwaite-Aboderin? That day I stopped stalling and registered. After a poor showing, in my opinion, last year at Pole Sport Organization (PSO) Triangle Pole Championships I was hesitant to try again. The specter of crushing disappointment hung over me. Was I over it yet? I didn’t want to tend my bruised ego with City Barbecue again. Proceeding was the only option, registration is nonrefundable.

In rapid succession I ordered a coat and hat from ThredUp, a CXIX Medusa Bodysuit, and boots from Pleasers. $6.23 out of pocket for the boots with a sale code and gift card I won in October. Felt like a good omen. It took 30 minutes to lace them up upon arrival. They were intriguing and intimidating. Training was set to start the following week.

Alas, Aud broke her leg and I strained both calf muscles during that first practice week. A rainy day cancelled my run and in its place, I opted for a total body workout. I was happy to still get something in and went to the studio after. Perhaps new-to-my-body-leg-intensive workouts should be approached with more caution. Rest, ice, hot rice socks, elevation, and Icy Hot soothed the strain, spasms and shooting pains within a week. 

Puzzle Pieces

Every routine starts with the scrap of an idea. Here it was modifying the freestyle pop out from pole assisted to handsfree. Mixing moves I enjoy with challenging ones filled out the rest. My initial list included Ballerina, Butterfly, and the Suicide Spin. Only one of those made it in. Aud found a tumble that we ultimately decided to save for the future. A Helix was scrapped for a Scutoid and it hurt like hell the first half dozen attempts. We brought back the Devil’s Point Shuffle. I finally cleared the pole! Only occasionally banging into it with my leg. 

The static and spin pole passes came together quickly. I love all things aerial. Floorwork on the other hand is my nemesis. I wanted to fight the awkwardness and decided to let the music lead the movement. The first spin pass ended in a perfect place to do some “storytelling”. From there Bey and the penchant for talking her shit took over. Punctuating lines with a leg shake, upper body pop, and a swaying squat. Aud was adamant about a fish flop which became the centerpiece of the second floor pass. Envisioning the full piece in my head, I liked what I saw.

In the Stu

I committed to two open gyms on Sunday and one on Wednesday before classes. The ceiling isn’t high enough to train at home and downstairs was in shambles. The boots attended every practice. It was going to take time and intention to learn to work with them.

I practiced in pieces until each section matched my vision. Once I knew the sequence, I started doing full run throughs. It took several weeks to make it from start to finish. The most intense day was two uninterrupted hours with three full run throughs. I was proud to complete all three and smooth out the first floor pass. It was full, flowed, and made sense. A routine had never come together like that before, another good omen.

The final two weeks of prep were run throughs, tweaks, revisions, and battling Charley Horses. Figured out how to run off stage without falling. I even let my friends watch a run through and received positive feedback. Competition day shouldn’t be the first time people see a piece.

Mind Playin’ Tricks on Me

Physically, training wasn’t bad. March Madness built stamina and energy. Mentally, was a different story. I was in a terrible headspace after two awful practice days in the same week. Everything was clunky, handsy, ugly, and all around bad. I snatched my boots off feeling I that I had bitten off way too much and would fail miserably again. Who told me to wear those boots and pick another Beyoncé song? The fearful side and I wallowed in Jet’s Pizza. The PSO Triangle schedule was also released that week. Dial up the anxiety and fear a few notches. 

I needed calmness to execute and emote. I didn’t know how to cope with the fear and stress. The topic for my next therapy session was decided. That session was extremely helpful. I made a regimen. Focusing on breathing, slowing down, and listening to a poem at the start of practice made a major difference. I completed the entire routine without depleting my energy. I was able to clean up transitions and floor choreo. Even with this, something more nagged me post practice two weeks before the competition. 

Feeling inadequate after practice, I remembered a casually nasty comment from when I started taking classes. I hadn’t thought about it in years, but it was haunting me, drilled into my subconscious. The memory pushed me to bring a suspicion to my therapy session two days later. Maybe one day I’ll delve into what we talked about, but I received confirmation I needed. Very much a Sabrina Dyer “Oh!” moment. I didn’t know what to do with those feelings, holding a key to a nonexistent door.

I wanted to take my power back, but anxiety ramped up throughout the week. Dress rehearsal was Saturday, and I hoped it would be cancelled. The daring side showed up and fueled my nervous energy into tasks I’d been avoiding. I listened to songs that kept my spirits up driving to the studio. Dragging myself in front of our practice panel, I went for it. To my surprise, I performed without issue. A little wobbly but I received great feedback, tips, and advice. Reading my score sheets relief washed over me displacing the anxiety. A weight lifted and the door materialized.

From then on, I knew I didn’t have to worry. The following Saturday was all for me. A part of healing my inner child who wanted to be a gymnast, who quit ice skating because she was afraid to compete. Building her a new playground and safe space to sit in the sun. Embrace my childlike wonder, love of fun and beauty. The day would be about my power, my sparkle, my sense of self, my essence. 

Showtime

With my parents in tow, I made it to the venue in time for pole testing. Spin pole speed must be measured. After watching early sections, I went to get ready. I took my time doing my make-up and listened to my competition playlist. Put on some of my favorite workings from The Lavender Iya and talked to Aud for a little bit. At home I’d decided that there was no need to wear contacts. I didn’t wear them during practice, and I don’t want to see the crowd anyway! I only need to see my apparatus, word to Rebeca Andrade and Stephen Nedoroscik. A personal performance coping mechanism unlocked.

Three and a half months of practice and therapy for 3 minutes and 12 seconds of stage time. I can’t say that I remember what it felt like. Aud set the tone and sold the story. I was relieved whenever I got past something that I knew had potential to be difficult or a major slip up. I took full breaths, remembered my notes, and took my time. That alone was extremely satisfying, I wanted to remain calm and not rush, I accomplished that goal. 

At the End of the Day

When I returned to my seat with my parents, Aud was waving and pointing at her phone. I checked my texts, and her message said scores were up. At the same time another friend, Ra, walked up behind me and told me congratulations. Assuming she meant it generally, I asked “For what?” “You won” was her reply. She then showed me a picture of the scoresheet on her phone. I almost started crying. I was first in my section. The exact opposite of fourth out of four the previous year. This was my unspoken goal, the one I refused to acknowledge lest it run me ragged again.

I am so proud of myself. Genuinely and truly proud. I persisted, uncovered the root of fears, and gave it all I had. “Tyrant” was the perfect song to vanquish a demon, ‘strike a match / and light up this juke joint.’ Now I want to keep improving and go further. Live in Jade’s playground of fun, wonder, and daring. She is me, I am she. I feel good in this new place. Putting my tools to work led me to success. I deeply appreciate the support, advice, and help from everyone. I’ve come out on the other side with a clearer version of myself. The clarity made space for a new, more confident me. Let’s see where she takes me next.