If you’re an avid listener of The Read like I am you are familiar with the closing segment the show is named for. If you’re unfamiliar, this is the part with potential for any heinous, asinine person or situation to receive verbal lashings. From celebrity mess to political blunders, Kid Fury and Crissle have covered it all with excellence for 12 years. Sometimes “The Read” for the week is a less severe annoyance or a comical, personal grievance. This is my “The Read” submission, “Pass the Read” IYKYK, for myself, email title “Bitch Why You Being Weird at the Photoshoot?”
As we know I am on a lengthy journey of building confidence. I signed up for a photoshoot at a former studio with Don Q of Don Q Photography. Don captures gorgeous photos of every person he shoots, and I wanted to be a part. This was for October, now what were the bookends for this time? Competition, homecoming, showcase. Making a list of tricks wasn’t top of mind and I didn’t get the shoes I wanted; inspiration was in short supply. Shoot day arrived and I was self-deprecating from the jump. I worried about looking silly and being stiff. Everything tumbling out of my mouth was some kind of apology for perceived personal mediocrity.
Was that helpful? Of course not! I limited myself and didn’t try any of the available poses that Aud suggested. I should have just listened to her. Don is great at talking people through how to position themselves and then getting the shot. Seriously, he snaps that camera so fast you won’t even know he did it, he does tell you though thankfully. After the first few pictures Don showed me, I was shocked. I looked good. I’d actually given him something to work with.
That’s when I should have cast my doubts aside and tried everything. I did not. And girl why not? Because I’m scary. I know, I know I’m supposed to feel the fear and do it anyway. Not that day. I stuck with some things I’m comfortable with, even tried a few I hadn’t planned. Still, I didn’t fully go for it like I should have. A couple months ago I was annoyed and mildly aggrieved with myself over this. Why didn’t I call on my competition energy? We both know I’m capable and cannot continue to doubt myself in the future.
Alas, I will have to save my improved attitude for next time. There will be a next time. I won’t come in anxious and doubtful. I’ll try what looks good to me, whatever tickles my fancy. I have a signature color now that I can build around and the determination to stretch myself. I love pole and it’s another place where I can try anything. There’s nothing for me lose, turn “what if’s” into “when I did that…”. Experience is the best teacher, and I need memories for when I’m old and gray and can appreciate that I was in fact fine at this age.
At least I can say I got a few snaps:
Guess, I’ll share them on the Beyoncé’s internet too.
