The following is what resonates with me and I hope it encourages people to dive into the text or the audiobook and find what resonates with them.
Chapter 9 – Homing: Returning to OneSelf
I’ll tell you a story. I’m in a mixed cycle of return and getting to know (p. 276). I’ve found my way back home to myself and I’m re-learning the truth of me. My soul speaks up about my functions, needs, and desires. Encouraging ruthless honesty about what I want and feeling no shame. My soul requires vulnerability with myself and with the people who care about me; I need support.
I searched for my inner critic and found my inner adolescent. She must cede control to my inner child. My life needs her faith, joy, and wonder (p. 277). She’s why I like to collect shells and random joy bringing items. My inner child is the key to the ever-important cycle of return to self. I’ve done much betraying and denying of myself that’s taken me places I never should have gone and will not return to (p. 280). Now I will only return to myself.
How did I leave home anyway? In every person’s life something important will be taken. It could be love, sense of self, an opportunity, or it occurs as a disruption (p.283). My disruption was at 11 when my maternal grandmother died. Shaken, thrown off base over the years of her illness. I was too young to understand, and no one had time to explain. It’s been 23 years; I finally see the catalyst for my stagnation. The onset of adolescence and familial grief caused me to withdraw. Didn’t dare to leap, didn’t believe in myself. I meandered down a prescribed path never pushing for what I wanted.
I never considered her death real trauma; it always seemed to pale in comparison to other people’s life experiences. But now I see it is my largest pain and wound. The entire illness cycle crushed me, locked up a part of me. Withdrawal led to inexperience. I didn’t know what to do and accepted the least, the bar in hell. I ran on the hamster wheel of settling, trying to spin straw into gold (p.284-285).
Running ourselves ragged for other people or never expressing dissatisfaction with our surroundings are additional thefts and disruptions (p. 287). Giving without replenishing kills. I tried the route of being helpful and understanding to my own detriment. The world will suck us dry if we let it (p. 288). Girl bossing too hard trying to achieve to prove your worth ends up hollow. We need solitude, to be alone with self, no distractions from our thoughts and actions and their outcomes. It can be a terrifying notion, but it is necessary for survival. We must have balance.
Inner saboteurs, ego, don’t understand balance. Ego is fearful and doubtful. It only believes the observable which is a miniscule part of existence (p. 291-292). The soul is infinite, it animates us and gives personality and vitality (p.292). The fearful love a bright and shiny entity. They don’t understand it but want to possess it. Ego teaches the soul about the world. How to interact with people, to live and survive. Eventually the soul knows enough and must take over our lives so we can fulfill our purpose (p.293-294).
Ego married me to loneliness, loss, and fear. Grief packed away the girl who sang ‘I Have Nothing’ in the middle of a store. Told me I didn’t matter and neither did my feelings. I kept everything inside. My ego and soul created spirit child (p. 294) in 2020. A part of me that moves between the physical and spiritual worlds. It has worked to get me to the place where my soul can take over. To step into abundance, trusting and knowing myself. Connecting with my lineage so that I can be everything I know I am.
In a soulful, connected state a woman trusts herself completely (p. 286). I want to always be here. To always be in my right mind and sense of self. To never sacrifice for the undeserving and greedy, to use my discernment every day (p. 289). To stay connected to my soul and purpose, I must go “home” regularly. When it’s hard to perceive how we feel and what we think about ourselves it’s time to go home (p. 301). We’re cranky and constantly dissatisfied when we stay away from home too long (p. 299).
Our environments can dry us out (p. 298). My current place of employment depletes me daily. I push myself to keep personal commitments, like writing weekly. My brain is exhausted but I must do my work to grow and reach my next chapter. I don’t need to know exactly how, when, where the next chapter starts. I simply need my inner child faith so that I can go “home” and prepare (p. 300).
“Home” is an inner place to be with oneself. It’s the place to revive balance. Where we experience peace and freedom from demands. We can wonder and feel. Restocking our reserves like a squirrel with nuts. Pickling jars, salted pork for winter, sustenance (p. 307). As there are many ways of theft and disruption, there are many ways to return home.
Reading, gardening, time with cherished ones, prayer, leave your mark on a piece of the world. Infinite ways, as different as all of us (p. 304 & 309). Cleaning is a good way for me. I hate it but I do it regularly. The go home clean is when my head is tight, mind cluttered, can’t focus. I clear the energy, stir it up, move it around. Push out the stagnant. Then I feel peace and can see and hear myself clearly.
The only costs for going home are time and willpower (p.304). Everyone will survive as you take time for yourself (p. 310). Stay home until your eyes shine, mood lifts, and senses sharpen. I’m more sensitive and need to go “home” often. I use a lot of energy masking in the world (p. 309). If necessary, tell the people in your life that you’ll need time and reevaluate your relationships with people who push back (p. 311). There is no perfect time to go “home”, go when you need to. Nothing is won by making yourself a resentful martyr (p. 303). Delaying going “home” is only to our detriment (p. 308-309).
Regular periods of solitude allow us to ask questions and for our souls to answer (p. 317). I wonder why we are taught to not trust ourselves or each other? Fear of indifference, abandonment, inability to continuously siphon off us. I will work cooperatively but not as the mule. Fear of violent rebellion, the violent always fear their violence coming back to them. There’s unlimited power if we know what we’re capable of being and creating.
Keep the methods simple to ground and find yourself. Something you can tap into at a moment’s notice (p. 317). With intentional solitude, we can hear ourselves, our souls. I hear the knowledge of the spirits who love me and have gone before me. We should be able to do this in a crowd (p. 318). Anytime, anyplace, when we need to check in, we go “home”.
Don’t be ashamed to communicate with your own soul. It brings ideas to our imaginations. I talk to myself, daydream, get lost in thoughts. It’s not a waste of time, it’s how my soul replenished me before I even knew it was happening (p. 318). In solitude we find out what needs more attention and what we can withdraw from. We can see if our inner life shines to the outer world.
Part of my current environment isn’t a safe place for my inner light. I won’t be maligned for being myself anymore. My inner child’s faith in my soul’s direction will lead to the right place for me. A place where I can go between the world and “home” with ease. A place where I can flow with my cycles and maintain myself (p. 321). I wish the same for all of us.
- Week 1 – Women Who Run With the Wolves: Meeting Wild Woman
- Week 2 – Women Who Run With the Wolves: Connecting with Intuition
- Week 3 – Women Who Run With the Wolves: Love in the Spirit
- Week 4 – Women Who Run With the Wolves: Find Your Place
- Week 5 – Women Who Run With the Wolves: Body Talk
- Week 6 – Women Who Run With the Wolves: Avoid Traps, Save Yourself
