The Birth of Jade Jaguar

My purple Baboon to the Moon bag has a towel, knee pads, a notebook, grip aids, yoga blocks, and Pleaser heels in it. I’m also toting a plush yoga mat at the insistence of my kneecaps. About three days a week you’ll see me climbing the steps to one of my favorite places, the pole studio. 

First things first: thank you to the strippers, especially the Black dancers, who have made pole dancing what it is today. I wouldn’t have the ability to enjoy pole dance as a hobby without their skill, daring, and innovation. To ethically engage in pole dancing/pole fit one must acknowledge strippers as the founders and that they are deserving of respect as artists and entertainers. Vixen Temple has written a great article on the history of stripping and another on how to be an ally to SWers.

I started taking pole dance classes in 2019. There are many an awkward video of me in leggings, longline shorts, and finally a serviceable yet cute bikini bottom. The pandemic derailed in person learning but I was able to return to in studio lessons in 2021. I’ve learned so much since then, including moves I thought I would never figure out (Shoulder Mount, right side only).

Pole is one of my great loves. I love how it challenges me, the skill and training required to do it well, and the sensuality and sex appeal it evokes. I haven’t mastered embodying the sexiness but I’m competent and I’ll take that for now. Pole is one of my creative outlets and has given me moments to be proud of myself. There are three things I want to be: beautiful, intelligent, and lethal (essentially Okoye from ‘Black Panther’). Pole is perfectly aligned with this vision. It’s captivating, appears to defy physics, and requires confidence. It’s everything I want to be and fear that I can’t. 

Classes, private training, and home practice force me to confront my insecurities regularly. Exposed skin is required to stick to the pole, I’m always worried about how I look. It’s hard to be in the moment when your history with your body is rife with criticism. Being hyperaware of myself makes warm-up freestyles a perfect time to visit the restroom. It’s a few minutes to explore and embrace your flow; unless like me your brain goes blank and you just keep doing pirouettes. A recovering perfectionist doesn’t do well without at least a clunky completion of a new element by the end of class. Glute and hip muscles that are rather weak and quads locked up like Los Angeles freeway traffic keep the Jade Split about 30 degrees away brings on a good wall slide. Some days I simply sit down, overwhelmed by my own inner critic. 

None of those challenges have been able to outweigh or overpower the joy that pole fills my spirit with. The increase in upper body strength is impressive. I LOVE being upside down, an invert into an Outside Leg Hang is my go-to. Being on spin is thrilling, fuels my need for speed and wish to become a sentient, Mad Hatter teacup. I have met incredible people and reconnected with others (hugs to Destiny, Rah, Shante, and so many others). I have two badass, talented, kind and hilarious coaches, Aud and JBall. They’re the best and support me even when I have absolutely no support to give myself. Speaking of support, the cheers and encouragement from classmates is unmatched. The only rival to pole class love is the pep talk from the drunk girl in the bathroom at any club or bar.

Pole is one of the hardest things I’ve taken on. I keep going because I know I’ll get better. Showing up and trying can only push me toward being the flexy, flying phenom I dream about. One day I’ll get to the place where I do something and I know that I’ve arrived, then I’ll set a new goal. I’m working for that moment.

Jade Jaguar can be found flinging herself around here. She’s in the studio’s showcase tomorrow, I’ll let you all know how it goes.

Author’s Note: I received an email notifying me that I won a Pleaser’s gift card while I was writing this. Feels like a sign that I’m on the right track.