A Love Letter to My Girls

I’ll never forget my good girl friends. Years have passed and I’ve lost touch with the earliest set, but I remember the girls from elementary through high school. Some have stayed from adolescence and college added to the circle. Friends have always been a big part of my life. Even though I turn inward a lot, I love and cherish my friends. They own major real estate in my heart and mind. Their opinions matter to me. Their wellbeing and happiness are what I pray for. Life without my girls sounds bleak. 

Strong female friendships are the norm for me. My mom’s best friends are my aunts even though she has no sisters. They’ve always been a part of my life. I can’t imagine major life events and changes without their presence. Friends became family, they’re a part of my foundation. Bonds are deep with foundations laid prior to my birth. My best friend and I claim approximately 40 years of friendship because my mom was her mom’s graduate advisor in college. 

My friends are so cool to me. Intelligent, caring, quick witted, beautiful, fashionable, talented, and funny. It’s a whole lotta woman over here. These are my forever friends. I tell them when I’m planning something because their encouragement always overcomes my inner saboteur. I love celebrating their milestones, accomplishments, and various chapters. I mourn with them and shoulder as much of their pain as possible. And we always eat. You can’t be in my life if you don’t love a good meal.

I have a core council, consisting of my best friend and my college girlies. These are the ones who can call at any hour and if they happened to just appear at my front door I would not mind. These four women always come first. They know all my secrets and I trust them with my life. While thinking of topics to write about for the site I thought about this group. I was in the shower sobbing. They mean the world to me and one of my greatest hopes is to make them proud. I always want to be the best possible support for them because they’ve given me so much. Having space in their lives is an honor. Being without any of them would crush me.

My high school girlies are intact. Our group chat name is a running joke. They’re intimately familiar with my cringeworthy middle and high school years. We’ve gone from goofy adolescents to grown women together. School dances and track meetings to weddings and baby showers. None of us attended the same college and yet we’ve stayed in each other’s lives. On the rare occasion we’re all together it’s beautiful to see who we’ve become. Remaining connected is worth the effort.

I cherish the relationships I have with a few of my linesisters. They’re one of the best things my sorority experience has given me. Milestones are celebrated and everyday life is endured. We laugh, vent, joke, and confide in one another. I get to be auntie to a whole gang of little people. College truly brings wonderful people into your life to expand the circle. Pole has brought the newest additions. The studio and occasional stage are extremely vulnerable places for me. The constant support and understanding are why I drive almost 70 miles one way to learn with and around them.

It’s clear to me now why The Golden Girls and Living Single are my favorite shows. Nothing other than themselves could break either group up. Life is best experienced with a circle of friends. Love, laughs, and getting on each other’s nerves. We’re human and it happens. I will say the older I get the less clashes occur. You learn people’s patterns and what they need. Recently, I’ve been more aware of building core memories. I know in the moment this will be a day, outing, or event that I will never forget. We’ll share something specific that can’t be replicated or explained. 

Friends are the ones you can be irreverent with, talk shit and blow off steam. There’s freedom to express a full, honest range of emotions. They can confirm or deny if you’re trippin’ and need to stand down. This is the soft place to land. My girls can tell me anything and it goes no further. There’s no judgement, be a whole person. Messy and imperfect, growing, learning, changing, shedding. Our continued evolution is what keeps us together. I love who they are right now and am excited for who they will continue to become. It’s a blessing to have support and encouragement reciprocated.

I’ve experienced my friends marry, divorce, become mothers, lay a child to rest, move across the country, crush career goals, find new love, buy homes, pursue dreams and passions, and start businesses. It’s wonderful to have people to support and celebrate. Their presence makes life richer and fuller. There’s another thing to live for when you have people to share life with. To be vulnerable with, scream with, explore thought experiments to righteously get your lick back. People who will comfort and build you up when you are finally out of that terrible situation. Who listen when you’re ready to open up. They appreciate you as you are and welcome your growth.

Some of the most consistent love I’ve received is from friends. Even when I feel undeserving of it. Female friendship is so precious, I ache when I see anecdotes of “friends” turning on each other. I can’t imagine pulling the rug from under my girls. That’s a cruelty I will never understand. I would fight for these women. Probably maim or send you off to glory, so don’t push me. They are some of the most important people in my life. I’m trying to prepare myself for the inevitable as we age and lean on each other as time catches up to our families. For now, I bask in the joy of our connection. I am eternally grateful to you all for seeing and loving me.

Note: Armanda Colson’s photograph, used as the featured image, can be purchased from her Etsy page.