Another B(ri)’Day loading, 34 in five days. Last year I realized the year I am turning is the year I’m currently in. This is the last week of my 34th year of life but 34 years haven’t passed until December 4th. Then my 35th year of the human experience begins. The 30s halfway mark and the groove of this decade has settled in. When I turned 30 my focus was healing and centering myself to be who I want and build the life I want. I’ve succeeded so far, now I sink deeper into the goodness of my life and myself. There’s a poem for this…
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star / that only glows every one hundred years falls / into the center giving divine perfect light
Do you have a favorite poem? Mine is Nikki Giovanni’s “Ego Tripping”. My introduction was Charnele Brown’s Kim Reese reciting an abridged version on A Different World S5 E11 “Mammy Dearest”. That extract was my favorite part of the episode, when I eventually read the full poem, it was even sweeter. My selections on Tidal house Nikki Giovanni’s recitation. “Ego Tripping” was part of auditions for a play in high school. I remember a Black female classmate taken aback by the poem, perhaps she took I turned myself into myself and was jesus literally and scared herself.
I sat on the throne / drinking nectar with allah
Teenage me could neither empathize nor sympathize, baffled by her feelings. Maybe my introduction aided in understanding the poem differently, feeling the reverence. As an adult “Ego Tripping” is a reminder of innate divinity and power as a Black Woman. We are creators, beyond measure, vast beings, uncontained by small spaces. Quite audacious in this world. Good thing I am constantly embracing audacity. I dared to start this blog to get out of my own way. It has served me better than I imagined in a short time. I feel good about myself.
I am so hip even my errors are correct
Placing at PSO Triangle 2024 and pushing through for showcase, changed how I view myself. A different approach on both occasions yielded the exact result I wanted and asked for. Proof that doggedly nudging my mind away from old, stagnant patterns, opens the doors I want to walk through. Listen to the music that’s arrogant and vulnerable, experiment with my closet, buy the tickets, record the video, send the message. Small steps really do yield big results.
I gazed on the forest and burned / out the sahara desert
Be terrifying. Lowkey goddess is the mood for 34. It feels aligned with the words for the year: Discipline, Discernment, Daring. Discipline served me well last year, morphing into a foundational principle. Discernment, I cannot waste any more of my time or energy. My first mind is right 99.9% of the time, go with it. Daring, what do goddesses have to fear? Nothing is as ferocious as my own mind.
My strength flows ever on
I’m writing this during a period of rest. Either take it easy or risk injury, so I rest. When I emerge from it, I’ll pack up my work life for the remainder of the year. Take two weeks to simply enjoy existing and patch together the vision for 2025. I don’t know what 34 is bringing to me, I only know how I want to feel. Powerful, beautiful, creative, engaged, fearsome. Be a better writer, a voracious reader, an evolving artist, a creator worthy of the masters I look to.
I sowed diamonds in my back yard / My bowels deliver uranium
I intend to live as well as I can this year. Funny that my nerve revs up right as the world sinks deeper into the depths of hell. Probably the perfect time for it. Previous versions of me wouldn’t survive what’s coming. Water my roots, sit in the sun, bloom. Radiate vivid color and celebrate everything that inspires me to keep living. Add my touch to the mosaic. Above all, enjoy myself. Goodness, abundance, and mercy follow me and I am forever grateful.
