Please, Just Do It

The first journal entry of the year is me pleading with myself to “just do it. Please, just do it.” I don’t have responsibilities that make it difficult to make time for myself. My time is all mine, a privilege and blessing. The only thing in my way is me. Personal work has been building for years and it is past time to get out of my own way. The signs have been steady and immediate. My linesister shared a TikTok from @hereciasmansion, essentially saying you must build your habits. Alignment with my continued pillar of discipline for this year. The first episode of Closet Confessions for 2024 is titled “2024 is the year of DISCIPLINE”. Candice Brathwaite went in and up about the need for action. I love when my Skyteam (phrase coined by one of my favorite follows on Twitter @mminthecity) makes it plain. Do the things.

I am a master procrastinator. I’ll have the idea, do a bit of work, and then wait until the absolute last minute to complete the task. I used to lie and tell myself it’s because I work better under pressure. Truthfully, it’s because the multiple components, possibilities, and potential revisions overwhelm me and I push the whole thing off. After several years of rebuilding my foundation and dreaming about who I want to be and what I’ll do once she arrives, I have finally accepted that to see her I have to be her now.

I can’t remember exactly who introduced me to the Victoria Erickson quote below, but it encapsulates what I have to do to a T. The things I want won’t find me when I’m ready or deserving. I must go after them and tango with them until I’m graceful versus clumsy. 

“If you inherently long for something, become it first. If you want gardens, become the gardener. If you want love, embody love. If you want mental stimulation, change the conversation. If you want peace, exude calmness. If you want to fill your world with artists, begin to paint. If you want to be valued, respect your own time. If you want to live ecstatically, find the ecstasy within yourself. This is how to draw it in, day by day, inch by inch.” – Victoria Erickson

I’m finally going to do the things. I’ve already started using my lunch hour as my time to read. Found a quiet spot in my office building that will be my perch. At home, each week will have a different spotlight. Sketching, painting, blog writing, resume writing. Everything that I need to do is going on my calendar. Until it becomes second nature to turn to these things instead of distracting myself with the games on my phone, the calendar will be full. I’m going to need to be accountable for this, I’ll share what I’ve done every two weeks or so. A short list of to-dos is below:

-Read Steal Like an Artist, The War of Art, and The Art of Ruth E. Carter: Costuming Black History and the Afrofuture, from Do the Right Thing to Black Panther.
-Paint the sky from the photo I took on 1/1. It was the most magnificent blue between the clouds.
-Read and work through Modern Fashion Illustration: Simple Techniques for Stylish Drawings. I even have a sketchpad with croquis from my director! There are several half-used sketchbooks in my house…
-Use Saturday and Sunday as main writing days. Monday and Wednesday should be editing and scheduling. The procrastinator can’t keep running the show.
-Pole freestyling days get in where they fit in but that’s once a week. This might be the hardest one.
-Complete and send my film resume for review. 

That’s a decent start I think. 

At the beginning of each new year, I struggle. After the holidays, I usually feel bleak. I don’t enjoy winter, ice storms or bitter cold don’t agree with me. Dusk at 4:30 p.m. will never feel right despite being standard time. I’m always just holding on for spring. I want to feel differently this year. Perhaps having plans and things to keep my mind busy will help. I’ll actually listen to my intuition, in things big and small. Tuned into the Rose Bowl Parade just in time to see the Blue and Gold Marching Machine grace the parade route. I hadn’t checked the schedule but as soon as the television came on there they were. It’s small but still proof to follow my knowing.

Another lie I’ve told myself is needing uninterrupted time to focus on my art. As an artist I can and should create at any time. I must fight through blocks and tiredness. Whatever is calling, please answer it. I don’t want to write this same thing next year. Please just do it and I will.

Do you have anything you want to commit to through the winter? Share in the comments!