This is about taking my time.
A lesson I must learn in every lifetime. In 2024, I progressed when I slowed down, took deep breaths, didn’t tryto be on time just moved, and I ended up exactly where I needed to be. The focus changed to smooth and solid, fluid and flowing. I excelled in that space. My attention was in the wrong place leading up to June, my intention disrupted my patience.
“better with you” latched onto my soul. I wanted to embody it in the most respectful way possible. I told sahn I was performing it this year, and I didn’t want to let her down. Not wanting to be a disappointment overtook the necessity of emoting genuinely. That’s no one’s fault but my own. I forgot my lessons, that was my downfall, and it was heartbreaking.
I gave myself time to wallow and then with Rhea’s encouragement, I started again. Ahead of schedule. How about Great Lakes? I’d considered it briefly, but November felt too soon. Yet here was my idea coming back to me, a sign to follow through. Shante gave me the idea to vlog my experience. Rhea and I reworked shaky parts of the routine. I drilled sections until I figured out what was wrong.
Hours upon hours of physical preparation. Three intense physical therapy sessions. The last one resulted in 25-30 total dry needles used, two needles bent, and 10 body cups. A conditioned body needs a calm mind. The challenge for next time is to work them simultaneously. Regardless, I got there. The need to take my time resurfaced the evening I realized I’d been running from my song.
I wanted to be perfect when it came on over the speakers. Tried to get ahead of it. I needed to work with it, not without it. No “Ta-da! Surprise, we’re done!” This is a partnership. An even exchange. We are in this together, was it not stirring my soul? The piece had to become a meditation, a reflection on myself. I can’t rush for fear of losing the audience.
Another lesson, I still fret over what other people may think versus what feels right to me. Even as I am actively breaking the habit, when it meets something I hold dear, I get antsy. I made myself stop thinking about the moves, I know them by heart. I focused on breathing and listening to sahn sing. Everything came together. The pieces flowed, I ended one movement and started another in the right place. Learned how to recover if I erred.
I remembered the lessons and committed to editing my rough draft. I gave myself grace. I work a full-time job and drive an hour to my studio, 70 miles because that’s where my community is. I couldn’t do any of this without my community. I put in all the effort I have physically and mentally. Sometimes it’s obviously next to nothing and yet people still believe in me. They take the time to talk, to support, and help me. Bean told me I would be great on a recent visit back to the studio.
I’m grateful for it. Competitive pole means so much to me because it’s FOR ME. I enjoy it, it’s for my satisfaction and sense of accomplishment. The blend of athlete and artist. Nervous energy tried to rattle me the evening before and morning of the competition. Before the 2024 dress rehearsal I felt the same and decided to clean my house to use it up.
This time I wrote, detailing a day trip in a gloriously meandering fashion. With the energy spent, I focused on calming myself. I sat down to meditate and released the attention to placement, perfection, and accolades. What remained was this: I am doing what I love, I do it for me and everything works out for me. That energy didn’t need hype; I needed calm and confidence. I needed a slick talking, self-possessed southern accent. Put the good sis Megan Thee Stallion on shuffle.
I am doing what I love, I do it for me.
And I did. Everything felt different. Calmer, more fluid, stronger, more intentional. Control without being controlling. I gave the performance I knew I was capable of. I exited the stage with true satisfaction and pride. Watching the video back, I saw none of the errors and missteps from June. I’ll have something I want to share with the world this time. Funny enough, I placed in the exact same spot as June.
Didn’t faze me. I did all I could do, it felt and looked good, and everything ain’t for everybody. The satisfaction is in applying my lessons. Centering myself made it possible to honor my original intention. Taking my time is essential to my process and performance. I’m a slow burn, like the sun. The light is already shining on its next offering.
PSO Great Lakes 2025: Lessons in Patience
