Showin’ Up for Showcase

I have five pole performances in my history. Three competitions and two showcases. Despite these experiences, every time I ask myself “Why did you sign up for this?” I am not fond of being the center of attention but I’m realizing that I like to perform. It’s satisfying to learn and hone a skill set and share the growth with other people. Regardless of this realization the lead up to showcase wasn’t any easier. The cycle runs like this:
-Sign up with a song on my heart and combos on my mind
-Start private sessions with my coach
-Bounce between fear of not being able to execute, considering dropping out, remembering the money already spent, and recommitting to doing my best
-Showtime and hopefully some relief

How It Started
Performing is a part of doing what feels right while scared, shaking, and throwing up. This performance was my first time working with JBall. I leaned into her pushing me outside of my comfort zone and had a great time collaborating with her. I’m grateful to have a second amazing woman to add to my coaching team. We came up with a routine that was just challenging enough without completely wiping me out. I always want to do a little too much and end up in a heap after every performance. 

What I Learned
-While private practice sessions always felt good, open practice found me overwhelmed by my inner critic, that lady has a razor sharp tongue. I was worried about looking bad when that’s what practice is for! It’s the time to look odd and work out the kinks. 
-Change the song when another one is pulling at you. Might turn out that what you’ve worked on fits with it seamlessly.
-Finding a studio out of town to practice at is a great idea and reduces anxiousness around being away for an extended period.
-My fears and anxiousness present physically, ex: headaches and waking up in the middle of the night.
-I’ll have to talk myself into a semblance of confidence multiple times. 
-These experiences should be fun, not stressful. I should enjoy myself!

How It Went
I finally told myself the following the day before the showcase:
This is not something to dread or something to fear. This is something you love to do and want to share. There’s a song that’s connected with you and you want to move to it. You want to take the art that you love and the art that’s connected with you and express yourself with it. I like movement, I like dance, I like inverting, I like looking cute, I like heels, and I can combine all of them. I like to express myself and while that can be very scary, I want to do it and must believe that people will support me. If they don’t, they simply aren’t for me.

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There were a few snafus: unexpected wall decorations, music muting and me pausing, also some fidgeting before going into an inverted shape. Despite these things, I was solid overall and I’m proud of myself. That is a rare feeling but I’m working on acknowledging my accomplishments regularly. My mom came to see me perform and had a grand time. I made my outfit, and it held up just fine. I also didn’t fall over in my first performance in heels. Overall, it was a gold star earning effort.