Kindness toward myself is a long-fought battle. I’m a procrastinating perfectionist in recovery. Not the most nurturing internal environment. Therapy and journaling have made a marked difference. I’ve begun to extend to myself what I give others: grace, patience, and the benefit of the doubt. In the absence of nurturing, nothing grows. I had to learn to talk to me nice.
To fill my toolbox, I was tasked with creating affirmations. I did not want to do it. Affirmations sounded great in theory, for other people. Hyping or verbally building myself up felt hollow. I wasn’t used to it and didn’t have the confidence to believe it. The affirmation examples I encountered were too sweet and flowery for my taste. I didn’t want anything that sounded like wall art. Clichés and platitudes don’t fair well with me, keep them. I avoided the subject for a while because nothing felt right.
Per Merriam-Webster:
Affirmation: the act of affirming. A positive assertion.
Affirm (transitive verb): 1a: validate, confirm. 1b: to state positively. 2: to assert (something, such as a judgment or decree) as valid or confirmed. 3: to show or express a strong belief in or dedication to (something, such as an important idea).
In reading the definitions, affirmations exist to support and remind us of our worth. To ground us and reinforce belief in our abilities. Influential tools that are always available. There’s a particular energy I like, glass and metalworks forged in fire. Jaguars lounging by the pool. Beauty and a sharp blade. I need to be uplifted and challenged and a few curse words.
I started with lyrics, a line from my therapist, and saved a place for a Rihanna quote. Also, I considered adding in naming my capabilities. My Twitter likes offered up another quote. I took the first three and recited them in the mirror. tI felt ridiculous but I vowed to continue until the self-love and confidence became real. I came up with nine and learned them front to back and back to front.
The total is now 11 with 2 extras for reassurance. I’ve pulled together songs and quotes to make what speaks to me. I usually recite them at the conclusion of my morning quiet time. Sometimes I say them while I’m running out of the house. If I forget I’ll say them in the car. They ground me when I have to venture out into the world. I can pull them out in the moment if need be. They’re always readily accessible. I take a deep breath and tell myself:
Talking to myself in the mirror like “Bitch, you my boo”.
I am enough just the way I am.
I am my own sanctuary.
I am the living word.
I am not insignificant.
Know that I am excellent.
I’m bigger, I’ll rise.
If you’re sinkin’ I’m jumipin’ in.
You can do it motherfucker, I believe in you.
Whatever Lola wants, Lola will get.
From Glory to Glory.
I can do so much I just need to try.
I possess the wisdom, power, motivation, inspiration, and passion to accomplish anything and everything I choose.
Talk to Me Nice
