I’m changing the internal monologue that runs constantly in my head. By my assumption, it only ceases when I sleep. Then my dreams take over and tell their story. To have the life I want and deserve my internal monologue must be kind and abundant at bare minimum. I must know and feel in every fiber of my being that things always work out for me and in my favor, it’s my divine right. As a divine right, I want to know: who decided God hates us?
If I caught you off guard, I don’t mind explaining. There is an Abraham-Hicks recording that states Source has an energy that adores you, flows to and through you, and it’s the basis of all the good that life can bring you. To me, Source is another name for Creator, God, Universe. How lovely to have that power on your side. Abraham-Hicks gave no qualifiers for this, nothing done to earn it. I wonder why God is rarely portrayed that way.
I can only speak from the perspective of someone who grew up in the Black Christian faith, in a Baptist church. We are told and read in the Bible, that we are made by God in the image of God. Logically, it would follow that we are divine and express, in the physical, the many aspects of God. The myriad ways we live, name, love, and create for ourselves. Is that not divinity in the flesh? And yet, God, the Father, didn’t seem to adore how we express and exist.
Anything that brings joy or pleasure was to be feared. Too many Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights hearing that my favorite musical artists were some kind of temptation. Why would an all-powerful being create something just to despise it? I hear Bible thumpers slamming down the big joker of sin on the card table. The catchall word for anything that people don’t like at any given time depending on the actors involved.
Too many accept the idea that we’re inherently bad (sinful), born into badness, and must spend every waking hour of the day proving to this all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present being that we are not bad. Pretty hard to have a kind and abundant internal voice when your faith tradition is rooted in you believing you are wrong from birth.
I see it in journal entries from my freshman year of college. There is nothing kind or abundant there. I read them while writing about my experience with emotional abuse and I see where the groundwork was laid. Admonishing myself for minor thoughts or using profanity in my entries. For openly and freely expressing yourself. I wish I could rescue that version of me, guess I ended up doing that anyway or you wouldn’t be on my site, reading this :).
I didn’t plan to write about religion, and this is not a rant. These are my questions and wonderings that formed while listening to Abraham-Hicks. What is the point of painting God as an angry, punitive, vengeful, contradictory being? Who and what purpose does that serve? An energy so focused on retribution wouldn’t have time to create the beauty that surrounds us on Earth and in the wider galaxies and universe.
The people who painted and who celebrate the surly portrait of the creator are so…small. They don’t know or trust themselves, so they made a god who is miniscule, angry, lashes out, and punishes without ceasing. Punishes people for simply existing as themselves. A god who doesn’t like them and finds everything about them repugnant. Why would anyone follow a being like that? That is not the Creator or God I’ve been acknowledging for the last 13 years or so.
In my personal belief, Creator is responsible for the 13.8 billion year old universe, a universe with an estimated 2 trillion galaxies, per the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA). Galaxies which can range in size from a few thousand stars to trillions. Our galaxy, the Milky Way, alone is 100,000 light years wide or 1 quintillion km (1,000,000,000,000,000,000, this is a number for PhDs only). The diameter of the observable, only what we can see, universe is estimated at 92 billion light years. That is 920,000 times the size of the Milky Way.
There are people who want me to believe that a being, an energy, a force with that kind of power is concerned with me in a mini skirt or drinking a mezcal cocktail? Please be serious. I have no interest or belief in a small, petty, insecure God. If God is the Creator of the universe, the Source of its ever expanding and changing field of matter, then I’ll submit to the universe’s energy.
The power of creation. Call it whatever you need to: God, Universe, Source, Energy, Spirit, or just you. I like Creator. Considering that I’m an artist and I love to make things. Creator has provided everything I need, I don’t need to steal or horde from others. I am the creator of my life, there is no need to try to control others or determine how their lives should play out.
I will tune my internal monologue toward abundance, care, love, discipline, consistency, empathy, and kindness. Ever evolving, limitless states of being. States with energy we create from. Given that everything in the universe, from its assumed edges to the asphalt on our streets, is made of the same atoms, the states of being share the power of the created universe. A power that not only benefits me but everyone that I meet. If I have love and respect for myself, my life has no choice but to create more.
Tuning My Voice to Creator’s Abundance
