And So It Is

I think about what I want for my life constantly. Peaceful moments, like sitting in bed writing this intro with the windows open and a warm breeze flowing in. It’s peaceful with everyday hums as the soundtrack. Wind chimes blowing, cars driving by. I am at ease, a feeling I don’t get when I spend 9 hours at work in an office. We all work too damn much. Most of us earning entirely too little, making peace inaccessible. This is no way to live. 

Escapism keeps me from losing all of my mind. The dream my imagination enjoys is to win one of the larger lotteries. I’ll take that base $20 million and be set. It won’t even take that much to quit my job. I know exactly what I would do with it. The ludicrously large jackpots could take care of several living crises across the country.

Hitting the numbers is a far shot, a nice thought experiment but my real life is much more tangible. It’s visible in my mind’s eye. Not just the material aspects but the interpersonal and individual as well. Joy is the theme and guiding principle for my time on Earth. I want a big, full life. Now, how do I get it?

A good friend shared an idea with me. Write down what you want and what it looks like using “is” statements. Full descriptions of what you envision and breathe life into it. I have journal entries full of wants but they’re like wishes, nothing wrong with that. I enjoy my imagination and dreaming. Hoping for things and imagining is part of how I find out what I truly want. The next step is to make it real.

I know my preferred climate and what that city needs to offer for leisure, travel, and entertainment. I’ll include everything. Restaurants, parks, stores, markets, community spaces, venues. Since work is a necessary evil, I know the options I want to have available. Something that won’t completely crush my soul. I want to impress myself, travel, and be able to buy clothes from Farm Rio, Hanifa, and Andrea Iyamah whenever I feel like it.

I see the kind of people I want to interact with and live amongst. I’ll describe what they’re like and how they live. Detail who will share this life with me. How I’ll interact with the community I already have. I know who I feel safe and appreciated with. The people I love are crucial to my existence. Every aspect of this life will be considered.

Who I am is foundational for the life I see. I’ll continue to declare who I am in my world. What I do for fun and for wellness – physical, mental, and spiritual. The love I seek to give myself, steadily building it up. I don’t consider myself enough, sit with how I feel. That will change. I know who I am and what I need. No one knows me better than me and delving into that is liberating.

I sat on the beach in Los Angeles back in September and was honest with myself. That same day I finally recorded a video announcing this site. Sometimes brazen honesty feels like wishful thinking. Spouting out things that will never come to pass. But why wouldn’t they come to pass? One of my friends said that I deserve the things I want and there’s no reason I can’t have them. I have to internalize that. There’s a very vocal part of me that tries to mask her negativity as realism. She’s just afraid of disappointment. The only person in the way of what I will have is me.  

So, I will write my life out as it will be. Every piece, how it feels, what it brings, what it makes space for. The colors, the smell, the breeze. The routines I’ll cultivate and what will bring me unbridled joy. Then I’ll tuck it away and keep doing my work. Make it plain, control what I can (which is me and me alone) and be ready to receive it all when it arrives.