I experienced a qualifying life event at the top of the month. An abundance of free time arrived via unemployment. I’ve needed a break and asked if one was coming. The answer I heard was yes. I didn’t expect such a disruptive end to that era. My vision was different, but delay is not denial. The question came to mind, “What do I do now?”
It didn’t take long for the answer to arrive. I decided I am on sabbatical. There is no need to spiral, no need to rush. I did the unusual and was immediately vulnerable with people who care about me. They offered support and options. Reminded me of resources I’ve built up. I created a plan and shared it with my mother who is my prudent advisor in all practical matters. With material needs addressed, I moved into the personal.
The sabbatical stemmed from surrender. What I must do in this season is surrender. To slowing down, to Creator’s plan, to the belief and knowledge that everything always works out for me. Know that powers beyond me and this plane keep me housed, fed and mobile. Surrender to possibilities and the unknown. If I want to live an unconventional life, then I must do unconventional things.
Does this realization come with immediate peace? Hell no. Every morning, I mix affirmations, meditations, prayer, and journaling to regulate myself. I built a solid foundation and it’s coming in handy. While working “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron everything feels synchronous. Not comfortable or complete but part of a plan. I’m using my energy and focus to keep myself calm, buoyed by belief and determination.
What Will I Do?
Slow down, take my time. Rest. Write. Keep my travel plans. Read. Live the life I didn’t have adequate time for over the last 13 years. A weekend or three to four free evening hours isn’t enough. I am giving myself everything I need, deserve, and want. Setting up my real, whole life. My success is inevitable. I’m following a friend’s advice to get out of the house. I love being at home but it’s not living if I’m alone all the time. Before, I needed solitude for peace and quiet. Now peace and quiet are the norm.
How Do I Feel?
Strange. Days move fast when they’re under your own control. So much can be done but time moves swiftly. I’m productive. I handle necessary tasks and keep my promises to myself. When I don’t feel as productive as I think I should be, I remind myself that I’m transitioning. Learning a new normal. The need to fill every moment is leftover office life frenzy. It’s unnatural. I take my time, but I don’t waste my time.
This is a familiar space. The vehicle is a little different, but I love myself this time around. There’s no need to be scared or stagnant. I am building a routine. Structure dismisses an overwhelmed state. I’m in a hallway full of doors ready to open. There are infinite possibilities. I am open to the new. I’m safe now.
What Do I Tell Myself?
I am in the void. I am surrendering to God’s plan for my life. She is on my side. She never leaves me and has never left me out in the cold. My ancestors, my Sky Team, are working on my behalf. They take me where I want to be. We’re aligned; it’s a group project. Unravel the need to be in control. My routine has been disrupted. What I viewed as stable is no longer for me. Routine is comfortable, I know what to expect. There is a new normal. Now I can build a routine that regulates my nervous system.
I was removed from my old life to align with my new life. This is the reminder that my life is mine to create and live. To enjoy. Joy is the point. I fortify my bones with the knowledge and acceptance that everything always works out for me. I am meant to forge an unconventional path. I am built for an adventurous life. Everything always works out for me. My life is unfolding as needed.
