Neptune arrived in Aries on March 30th and my favorite astrologer, Chani Nicholas, shared what it can mean for the rising signs in each element. If you’re curious my big three are Sagittarius Sun, Cancer Moon, and Virgo Rising. For my fellow Earth rising signs, this Neptune transit is for healing. The healing journey of our dreams as she enthusiastically put it. For the Virgo Rising folks Chani asked:
“What are the things that your mind fears the most?”
“What are your things that your mind goes on and on and on and on and on about?”
“What are the things that if they didn’t occupy so much of your mental capacity, or if they didn’t have so much power over how you think about things every day… “
“If you healed your relationship to them, if you refused to let them have so much power, who would you be?”
“What could you have capacity for?”
“How light, how open could your mind be?”
Fear is why I started this blog, as I’ve shared before. From October 2023 to now, I’ve made a great deal of progress. When facing Chani’s questions, the same issues resurfaced. What do I fear? Being misunderstood. Looking dumb. Being made fun of. Failing in a spectacular fashion. Mildly embarrassing moments becoming running jokes, that’s happened and I hate it. The reminder, the snicker. Striving for beauty and grace but delivering ugly and clunky. Generally, humiliation and taunting make me anxious.
I’m sensitive, it’s why I don’t talk to people crazy unprovoked. A negative comment or critique can take root in my mind. It’ll wear me down and become the recurring voice in my head. Most of the time I am overly aware of myself in a way that’s monitoring versus present. Oh, to hear or experience something, sort it in my mind, and move on without adding another stone to my heavy pockets would be liberating.
To my eye, the underlying issue is confidence. I have much more than I previously possessed. There is still much to gain. So how do I heal my relationship with confidence? Keep doing the things that scare me. I’ve been saying that for at least 3 years now. How long is this journey supposed to be? Maybe life long, and I will continuously prove to myself that I can do whatever I want. If I am honest and considerate, anyone misunderstanding me is their problem and not mine.
If I healed my confidence, I wouldn’t be afraid of starting over or trying something new. New paths, new places, new people, new challenges. I would understand that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to, within reason. At any point I can be something else, do something else, let a different part of me take over. Let her run the show and see where we end up. If I don’t like it, I can take a different path and let another part lead. (Sidebar: I’m searching for a journal entry where I named the aspects of my personality, it could be a good creative writing project…)
What are these “things” I would do? Such a vague, nebulous word, name them. Identification begets pursuit. Create signature pole combos and master them. Write the poem about poetry. Start writing the multiple fiction ideas I have notes for. Share the fiction, this one is a major stretch. Study screenplays and theater scripts. Initiate a career shift, this one is in work. Write in-depth about my favorite artist, this one is also in work. Each action is simply taking more of what is in my head and sharing it. It’s vulnerable and personal. Terrifying to be so bare but if I can heal the fear, something good will come of it.
I can follow my bliss and prove to myself that it won’t kill me. I won’t expire under the potential of anyone’s projected insecurity. It would be much worse to get to the end of my life and realize I tried nothing. To leave as a book full of blank pages. I should try, ramble incoherently if needed. Be bad at things, I’ll never be great if I’m not a bit rough at the start. Maybe it’s really healing my relationship to criticism. There’s at least 25 years worth to work with. I can try, for me. Attempts are how I learn and improve. It’s what I need for the most important person in my life, myself.
What could you have capacity for? What would you have space for? How light? How open could your mind be?
If I clear or corral fear, misunderstanding, and criticism, I will find my purpose.
Which Parts of Me Need Healing?
