Megan Thee Stallion announced the end of her relationship to Klay Thompson, citing cheating, mood swings and horrible treatment. This was devastating for fans and women in general, not simply because Megan is beautiful and famous but because we’ve been in the same situation. Her experience is not unique to people with fame, wealth and access. It is the risk we run in romantic relationships, especially when we are partnered with men.
I woke up thinking about Megan, Miss Dindi’s conversation on TikTok about deceit in relationships and how it destroys a part of you and changes future relationships, and the reminder from other women that cheating is emotional abuse. These dredged up my personal experience, making me realize the pain is still very real.
I’m 27, and in a disagreement with my then boyfriend he said, “I could have cheated on you by now”. I don’t remember what the argument was about, probably money. He was always on edge and bringing up money he owed me even when I didn’t mention it. A few weeks later, on vacation sitting on a beach I asked him, “Why would you say that?” His answer, he was angry.
This could have been an admission of what he thought about or planned to do. But he said it with the sole intention of causing me pain. He knew the idea of infidelity would hurt me. He knew that cheating on me would break my heart. So, he planted the seed in my mind to hurt my feelings because he was upset. Looking at the reaction to Megan and Klay, it seems like too many Black men don’t care when Black women are hurt. They seem to believe they have a right to treat us, our feelings and our bodies in any kind of way based on their desires.
Men can disregard our feelings and the commitments they’ve made to us. They can lie, steal and kill without consequence. Callous behavior is shrugged off or excused. Somehow, it’s our fault. We should have chosen better. What did you say to make him mad? What did you expect he’s a man? The people propped up as de facto leaders due to sexual reproductive organs determined by a Y chromosome are held to zero standards. Somehow their actions are our fault. I’m not creating an interdependent life with a marionette that’s easily swayed.
Lacking emotional regulation and sexual discipline, they care about nothing but themselves. It’s horrifying. How can you care so little about another human being? Especially when you know the trauma and hardship that person has been through. Or when you have been married for decades and share children. How can you decide that her feelings or her life are nothing other than toys for your amusement or a receptacle for your rage?
Why do men care so little about the reputation of their gender? Why are they so quick to defend their fraternity brothers, make excuses or belittle reactions, labelling them as “celebrity gossip”? Gossip is associated with women; therefore, it is trivial. So, a Black woman harmed by a Black man doesn’t matter. This is why having a boyfriend is embarrassing and why partnering with men is viewed as a humiliation ritual.
Too many of them are proudly, loudly bad people. They hurt us for sport, they lie for fun. There is no interest in introspection and investigation. No desire to strive daily to be a good person. The situation is demoralizing because women can’t move in the world freely. Men are everywhere. At work, grocery stores, the park, museums, restaurants, rec centers, public transit and our homes. Lurking and lying and lashing out.
It’s especially devastating for someone like me who wants romantic love and partnership. I shouldn’t have to go through a gauntlet taking blow after blow to reach a safe place. Black women deserve better respect, care, and safety from the beginning. The glee at Megan’s paint is horrifying. These are the kind of men that hate themselves and they project it onto us. Collectively, a lot of women love Megan and minimizing her pain hurts us, and they seem to like that.
We have no choice but to close ranks which is depressing and exhausting. I want these men to know that they will be solitary trolls under a bridge, until they excise their decaying spirits and embrace human decency and decorum. Until men view women as people worthy of respect, decency and care, they will remain alone and we will continue to choose ourselves.
